I’m so conflicted.

Do I do college first or do I join the army first?

What do I even want to do after my military career is over?

What am I going to do in the army if I can’t be in the infantry? I am kind of considering military police but I don’t know.

Fuuuck.

Took a lot of allergy pills. Forgot they weren’t non-drowsy.

I’m going to go sleep for 10 hours now.

People that come together no matter what. You get in a fight and don’t speak for a month, yet you always go wondering back to that person and they come wondering back to you.

I feel like that is the most proper definition of soul mates. Always going back no matter what.

But even now as I type this I think about the relationship I have with someone that is this way. I’ve known the person for so long, years and years. We always come back. No matter what. I wanted to give it a chance, they didn’t and they stopped talking for two months, then popped up and then they wanted to give it a chance and I didn’t and they just keep popping up all the time and I don’t know what to do.

Who does that? Who comes back after I say horrible things to them? After I treat them like shit? After we both just fuck up each others emotions? Why do we keep coming back together?

And why do I feel the sudden urge to go over there and just spend the night.  Not even sex, just laying there in their arms, burying my face in their chest, breathing them in and then in the morning get woken up by a kiss on the forehead and a super tight hug, followed by them covering me up with the covers that they hogged the entire night.

We are alike in the worst ways and we are so different in the worst ways. There is nothing to say that we are compatible for each other at all.

But we always come back.

I’m going up to spend time at my brother and sister-in-law’s house soon. I’m going to have him teach me how to use all of his guns. Also, maybe the bow and arrow just for fun.

Women are not the more emotional sex.

So many men whine and bitch and moan when women ask for the same things they get. People who bitch constantly and whine all the time about women wanting what they have are the emotional ones. I don’t whine when I see something I don’t like. I fight for what I want. That is a good thing about being an “emotional woman” because anger and passion are emotions, and that means I fucking fight. The men who complain all the fucking time and are always whining, those are the people I wouldn’t want out in the front lines.

I’d rather have a group of passionate, ready to go women fighting, than a million whiny, bitchy men.

Sorry, I’m generalizing so much, but I’m pissed and yes, right now, I am complaining. That is only because this is a big issue and it’s fucking ridiculous that people are this fucking sexist.

I’m mad. Beyond mad right now.

Seeing people I’m following constantly blogging about The L Word.

Unfollow immediately.

Seriously, that is the most dull show I’ve ever seen in my life. So fucking boring. Nothing happens. It’s just unimaginative dialogue and then a few sex scenes thrown in randomly. How do people watch that?

Also, why do most TV shows or movies that involve lesbian characters suck? They are always so boring and dull and just watching one episode makes you fall asleep.

My goal in Basic Training, will be to kick ass.

Watching the Ranger Training has gotten me pumped up. If people can survive this, I can survive basic training.

I feel like, despite the ranger training being excruciating, it would all be worth it  to hear that “Good job, Ranger” afterwards. And to hear your brothers cheering you on, telling you not to give up on yourself, telling you to carry on. I feel like that would help pull you through the pain and exhaustion.

Also, seeing someone in training fall and get hurt and the ranger instructor immediately going to help them makes me happy. It just shows that everything they do is to help you. They break you down for your own good. Everything they do is to help you excel, but seeing you hurt, they care. I enjoy that. I love seeing the brotherhood despite difference in rank.

Also, I’m literally sitting here cheering the people on the TV on and seeing someone drop out just breaks my heart.

7/25 combat positions listed on the army website are open to women.

That is 28%.

That is not okay.

If a women can complete the same training, there is no excuse to not allow them.

Also, something that I think is complete and total bullshit is that Infantry is closed to women.

You’d think that allowing women into combat would mean opening most jobs in combat for them, but nope. They opened a few and left the rest to men.

If I can complete the same training as men going into Infantry can, why the hell can’t I do it? It shouldn’t be based on gender. It should be based on your ability to get it done.

I’m sorry, but that policy is just for the men who are so scared of being emasculated by women, that they just don’t give them the chance. It’s to save egos for men who will feel bad if a woman makes it and he doesn’t.

It’s bullshit.